Periodically there’s comes a whiff in the political atmosphere, like the smell of hops around a brewery, of a serious movement toward a viable Third Party. It dissipates as fast as it arrives and the status quo, the folks who vote 100-0 to ship some more bombs to Israel, settle comfortably back into their seats with their greased palms upturned for more of what you can give them. Rolexes? Junkets? Voting blocs? It’s enough to make you go inside the brewery, any brewery, and not come out until the world looks a little more hospitable to optimism.

I am happy to announce another attempt, birthed on a recent trip to Santa Barbara; a Third Party that will go a long way toward solving our nation’s problems. The genius of my idea, if I say so myself, is that it combines two meanings of party, the joyless political kind, and the kind the kids of UC-Santa Barbara enjoy, at least until one of them falls, as it often happens, off a cliff into the sea.

It’s the Goodbye-and-Good-Riddance Party. The platform consists of saying a mindful farewell to dead weight on the ship of state. Think of throwing the dead weight off the aforementioned cliffs, if you can overlook the ensuing pollution of the lovely beaches.

Candidates for inclusion:

The state of Texas

Pundits punditizing

Talk radio


Spouses of rogue politicians and their spouses

These are all too obvious and stir no controversy whatsoever. What’s the fun in that? Let’s try harder. Got suggestions? Macro, micro, obvious, obscure. Think of that closet you haven’t cleaned out since Jimmy Carter was president. Contribute and I’ll put you on the list of potential running mates. Rolexes accepted, if you’ve got nothing better.



2 responses to “THIRD PARTY DOWN

  1. Dominic Martello

    Bread and pitchforks rallies coming soon.

  2. Lobbyists. All of them!

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