Since it is a well-known fact that it matters more how one is perceived as performing, rather than what one actually says or believes, I want to add my voice to the chorus of pundits evaluating last night’s candidates’ debate. I know I made a splash. It’s true I was not one of the chosen ten. Why only ten? I would ask. It seems so discriminatory. But then, I’m not a whiner. I’m more of a decider, in the Republican tradition of rough riders and deciders. As I was about to say, I decided that since I am known for strong opinions and have appeared on “Buffet of Pundits” numerous times, I feel qualified to add my perceptions regarding my performance, grossly underreported by the liberal media in Washington and New York.
First of all, I was gaffe free. I said nothing controversial about guns, God, or a man’s right to choose what’s right for a woman. Did I break through the jam of candidates? What do you think? Of course I did. It’s true I don’t have a fresh face or much hair but it’s a comfortable face to many people who watch TV each and every Sunday morning, and I believe those people are the real Americans, the Americans who want to see us stay on top of the world and not be submissives to ayatollahs or sexual deviants.
During the awfully long debate I did not look at my watch a single time, but then, before you get all gotcha, I admit I don’t own a watch. Hillary owns a watch, I saw her check it when she appeared on “Buffet of Pundits.” My lapel pin, disappointingly, a flag with a cross superimposed (see pdf.), got no coverage in today’s media. (Note to self: enlarge.) I had scripted something sincere to say about it but none of the moderators brought it up. I don’t want to say the word but I will: conspiracy.
I was succinct with all my answers except when I got snared in the moderator’s trick question about whether we would vote to ban evolution and climate change. The base will forgive me for that.
I can already see a big bump in my poll numbers.