Godalmighty, Halloween has become a generator of crap on the scale of Christmas. Across the street from where I worked yesterday was a yard crowded with big plastic tombstones and inflatable insects the size of a Lexus that pop out at passersby. Do they store all the Halloween crap in the garage to give heart attacks to unsuspecting gardeners? Or just send it directly to the dump? Everyone you go you see shrubs wrapped in fake webbing. If any of my clients do it to their innocent plants they get to remove it themselves. Let me tell you it looks lovely at Thanksgiving.

Two weeks ago I pruned back a dusty, diseased euonymous covered in the real thing, and by the time I finished there were spiders in my hair, on my arms, down my shirt, a better feeling than disgust at all the waste.